trust the process...

Judgment changes when you get to be the judge.  
How are you judging yourself, and how does that show up in your life?
How are you judging others?
How about more grace for yourself.  
How about more grace for others.
How about loving yourself like you have never loved yourself before, 
How about loving others right where there at.
Trust the process.

I was gifted this wonderful gift of Usui Reiki for my birthday
and it was given by a good friend and the maestro who taught me Reiki.  
For those who don't know what Reiki is,
it is a form of alternative medicine that focuses
on the idea that humans and everything are made up of flowing energy.  
This is actually a proven scientific fact.  
Usui Reiki is a Japanese technique of hands-on energy healing, developed by Mikao Usui,
that aims to promote healing, relaxation by channeling universal life energy
through the practitioner's hands.  
My teacher and friend who gifted me, also has a special gift of channeling visions as she gives Reiki healing.
Once you receive the vision, it's up to you to figure out what it means.  
I have been going to her for four years now.  The visions have shown me where I am stuck, where I am playing small, where I am in need of self-forgiveness, parts of me where I have anger still held, and what areas that I still have some inner work to do.  This time I was so very blessed with the accumulation of all that inner healing work and the joyful visions poured forth. 
The visions often have warnings and can give me a clue
that I need to maybe change the directions of my inner compass. 
I thought I might share a few of these visions, they are for me, but I am sharing in hopes that you also might get a message you can relate to in your life and for yourself.  

All messages are figureoutable, the word figureoutable coined by Marie Forleo.    

The first vision given; she sees it before I even get on the massage table.  
Stolen Identity, an identity that gets stolen.  Then I heard you saying...internal bleeding.
It's like a metaphor or symbol (I'm not really bleeding internally).  Next, she hears me say; I took with me all that I needed, I took with me all that I need.  I lost myself into your arms. 

I already know in my soul spirit what she is talking about...it's what I've been facing for years within myself.  
When I came to earth and chose my parents
and circumstances or lessons I would learn,
"I took with me all that I needed". 
Stolen identity, an identity that gets stolen...how has life stolen your true identity? 
From the moment we are born, we begin to forget who we truly are.  
We are fed what the world wants us to remember and be.
Maybe we are born into a rich family, and taught that somehow, you are better than others. 
Maybe you are born into a poor or moderate blue worker family
and got a dose of not good enough, never enough
and even if you work hard and rise above your circumstances,
your still not good enough somehow. Maybe you were taught that the good stuff was for others,
and you just weren't worthy enough.  
What about your culture, depending on our culture were born into
and the ways of that culture, maybe were taught to judge others that are different from us,
or from an early age were conditioned to conform to our local government and society
and it begins to shape your perceptions,
and we pit right and wrong against each other,
these are just a few of the ways we begin
to learn to separate ourselves from love,
from God who is love, from each other.  

Then there is the traumas or things that happen to us,
will we understand that they are happening for us? 
Will we learn we can forgive,
ourselves for our part, the thing or person that caused our trauma
or did that dreaded thing to us
that kept us caged in our own prison. 
We can let them go.
 I carried several traumas that happened to me as a child
all the way till I was in my sixties
...and it took a world catastrophe to help me wake up and realize
I didn't have to carry this sort of pain anymore,
I didn't have to keep the lies I was telling myself.   
That I could forgive, and let go of my own personal persecution of myself,
the victim mindset set free, the cleansing of my heart,
the blackness within had light shed on it and that was me,
I was the light,
and I lit up the room within my own heart
and in doing so,
facing the darkness of my emotions and thoughts,
they just faded away. 
In doing so, the letting go...
I became filled with light and love and had such an expansiveness within.   

I'm reminded of a verse in the bible in Isaiah 61:
I like the whole chapter and there are so many good messages that are for us currently,
but I will focus on verse one, where he has called me
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners.

  Just this sentence has such deep roots for me. 
I was that captive...having had something done to me as a child,
I was taken captive in the doing against my will. 
Then there is the prison I created
from the acts that kept me in a prison of my own making. 
Over the years, little by little God helped me unpack this chapter,
helped me figure out there were no fetters on my ankles,
there were no locks on my prison door, it was all created from within. 
I have to mention the best part of the chapter as Graham Cooke pointed out to me...the "Instead". 
Instead of ashes he will bestow on them a crown of beauty. 
Instead of mourning he will bestow on them the oil of joy. 
Instead of a spirit of despair, he will bestow on them a garment of praise.  

The next part of the vision that stood out to me was internal bleeding and I lost myself into your arms.  
 I met my beloved Ernie, and I lost myself into your arms.  
This is my thought.  It was easy to do so.  I think of identity; I think of Ernie and our relationship.
I allowed myself to become lost, to become a passenger and take a back seat in my own life,
as it was easier than facing my true self or working through my traumas and trust issues,
or my worthiness perceptions of myself,
it was easier than forgiving and doing the inner work.
It's easier to lay blame and stay victimized, or so I thought,
in hindsight I realize that forgiving and letting go of the story is what sets you free.
I had been internally bleeding
and while there have been many operations to stop the bleed
over the span of forty-four years of marriage
I was often doing harm, because I didn't know how to love myself,
or even allow me to be loved. 
Then there was the clinging onto my story part
where I just wouldn't let it go and allow for the healing.
Everything was my story, my pain, my perception of my trauma,
I shared it, I nurtured it, I identified with it.

 I couldn't even enjoy my day, my now moments,
because I continued to identify myself as that little girl,
that traumatized teen,
that young woman who couldn't face the darkness of her own shadows. 

All has shifted and today I am in a new relationship with Ernie.
​ I am the catalyst; it's about my inner state of being, healing and allowing myself to love and be loved.  
Just a shout out to my loving husband Ernie, thanks for loving me so fully.  

That was the first vision, and I had barely gotten on the table...Oh boy 

The second vision...
Outside your right nostril, I saw coming out, it was sort of a white worm.

I do an internet search...
Seeing white worms coming out of your right nostril
in a vision could symbolize a feeling
of being infected by negative thoughts, toxic ideas, or harmful influences entering your life,
potentially signifying a need to cleanse your mental space and protect yourself from outside negativity. 
Let go...let go of fear, let go of worry, go within and find your eternal peace.  
Joy, Love and Peace are powerful so find things that bring you into this power.  
Let go of judgement, be gentle with yourself.

What did you think it was?  
I made a mental note to watch what I'm ingesting
in social media, the movies I entertain myself with, others' opinions,
what's happening in the world today, remember, we create our own reality.
So, I choose to stay present and grateful. 
We are creator beings of love and light.
Live your life with creativity and passion. 
We are bridges between worlds, and this is how we can be world changers.
It's not about doing but instead about being.
Focus on inner peace and find ways to love yourself like you have never loved yourself before.
   I love to take walks, I love swimming in the ocean and being in nature,
I love to take myself out and date myself, I love to read and learn and grow, 
I love to create beautiful works of art that are healing not only to me,
but I know will help someone find their own bridge of truth.  

Excerpt from: The Wisdom of the Council by Sara Landon

If you want to heal the world you must first heal yourself.  
If you want to create a more loving, harmonious, beautiful, abundant world around you, 
you must first create it within you. 
 If you will remember this at all times, in all things, in all circumstances,
 then the first step is always you.  
Not what is going on out there, but what is going on within you.  

The third vision:   Hope your still following along, it only gets better.  

Wow, wow, Johanna…Ewwhhhhh, awahhhhh, very excited sounds, and giggles.  
I will share this with you, especially since I feel it is like, for your creativity. 
I see you and I am beginning to think that it's a vision. 
It’s you and it’s as if you are in front of a canvas
and you are ready to paint
and your hands are like golden light,
like they are sparkling and also as you move your hands, you don’t have a brush,
it’s like you move your hands and you let loose,
it’s not like silver dust, but golden dust, like golden light,
it comes out of your hands. Like there is light, light, light in your hands. 

Awwwwwh. Softly, okay these hands are connected to the heart
and I see like a regular heart,
like a new heart is beating,
and where there is one of the veins, I see there is like a snake,
 it’s green and then it’s beating the wings, like a big butterfly, (makes beating sounds of wings). 
These two animals are like part of your heart. 

Well, golly that sure sounded nice...
Let's see if we can break this down...the first part is so lovely and leaves such a beautiful impression and since I paint spiritual art, and my intention has always been to awaken the soul and stir your spirit, that part of the vision brings me great pleasure...with every stroke of your brush, your hands, your heart pours forth loving energy, providing that is where your heart is and it's who you are.  You can only give what you are, and I feel myself weave golden light and love throughout every creation.  

The next part of the vision about a new heart, a green snake and one that has wings like a butterfly, beating, beating and how these two animals are part of my heart.

To see a green snake like a part of my veins in my new heart...a green snake has special significance, due to the color green and its spiritual meaning, green is the symbol of spring, hope, and good sensations; pointing to the fact that goodness, joy, and prosperity are coming my way...seeing a green snake is connected to new life.

Then if you add that it has wings and its wings like a butterfly,
and they are beating, beating, and these two animals are connected to my new heart.  

This is what my soul spirit was speaking to me
as I investigated the meanings of this vision.

The flying snake and the butterfly wings in this setting are speaking to me of transformation,
as the snake sheds its skin,
and that was hooked to a different message I received about taking off my skin,
as in letting go of my old self and my old stories,
also the butterfly is all about transformation and transmutation,
a complete shedding of what once was safe and known,
going through the incredible shift from the darkness of its cocoon
to the emergence into the light,
within the butterfly was hidden knowledge,
and the butterfly knew in its spirit what to do and then had to trust the process, as did the snake. 
 A spiritual elevation or transcendence,
or the gaining of a higher level of knowledge or consciousness and then this, a new heart. 
An awakening, as I beat my wings in this new version of me.
The portal is open...let go of what you think you know.
Suttle changes are happening within each and every heart.

The last vision I want to share with you sums it all up.  There were many more, but these are the ones that I felt I was to share, they seem to all have a cohesiveness that linked them together.  

Awhhhhhh,
Wow, wow, wow, wow
I hear something…I heard it before…
It’s ok, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. 
It’s perfect timing, it’s like the closest, no judgment,
and while I hear this no judgment, I see a woman,
she has a sort of veil over her face and the body
a sort of sheet or veil over her body and it is as if she is turning to watch someone else
and that someone else, who she is looking at is you. 
And also, the woman with the veil is you. 
Like an old you, looking to the new you. 
And like this old you, with the rock...somehow could not really see,
could not really speak
and to me it’s like that part the woman with the veil is saying
I should have done that before,
and the new one is saying, no, it’s perfect,
like we trust the process.  

Me:  This brings tears to my eyes. 
The transformation is complete. 
I have been in a season of transition for a very long time. 
Now we have entered a new season, the new golden era of Aquarius.  
I think of the old me,
in the vision the old me is covered in a sort of sheet or veil over her face and body
and my mind goes to the practice of a shroud
used in the traditional practice of death,
in some cultures, often symbolizing purity, simplicity, or a transition to the afterlife...
in this case I'm not dead but watching my new me, with my new heart.  
I have let go the old and embraced the new me...
a new identity, the shedding of the old skin and an awakening to a new journey,
a new way of perceiving, 
new memories to create, a new tune,
a new song that vibrates in the beauty of love and light.  

The old me was weighted down with the heavy emotions and lies
that often shrouded my sight
and I was not able to speak my truths as I didn't even know what my truths were.  

When I let go of my judgement, against me 
and against the world and others I began to know in my knower that there is only love. 
God is love, in all and is ALL.
So yes, when you look into the mirror you're looking into the face of God.
We are co-creators with God.
That we are truly all one together and we are connected to All.  
See the higher perspective in everything.
Look inside.  What are you creating?
The Kingdom of Heaven is within you. 
Heaven on Earth is here and now.
Let's create together a place of beauty, of compassion, of joy,
a place of light and love.

The new me...recognizes that it's all perfect,
there are no should haves, could haves, or I wish I would haves. 
Today I am trusting the process,
today I know that I don't have to make it happen,
because all my dreams are coming to me,
there is no effort, instead I have found that I am worthy
to receive the light of love.
Every day is my dream coming true.

Release all judgement...
Trust and allow the process!  
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